I've always thought that kindness and generosity, while very important should be coupled with being reasonable. I had a female roommate (I'm a guy) and I don't recall us ever having any nasty fights or disagreements.
We lived together for almost a year, and our first time meeting was that summer. Whenever one of us needed to discuss an issue, it was always in a lighthearted way. "You know you did this, but it would be nice if we could compromise on how [thing] is done." I don't think either of us ever dreaded going home. In contrast to other people I've lived with, I hope that if/when I marry it looks like that.
My point is that disagreements/conflict will happen, the important thing is to remember that words and actions are powerful, so for any friendship/relationship to last, its essential for both parties to be reasonable about such things.
I know, easier said than done. But there are such people out there as I learned.
It's certainly the case that conflicts will be difficult to resolve if one or both parties are not reasonable!
Your comment also touches on something else, however, in terms of how you and your roommate discussed issues, and relates back to an earlier point about internal/external issues.
It's easy not to care when, well, you don't care---when you haven't invested yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically in a relationship and hence do not really expect or require reciprocity to indicate that your investment was not in vain and that your relationship will endure. In other words, it's hard not to care when you really do care---about the other person, about how the other person treats you, about the relationship.
As a side point, there's a big difference between not dreading coming home and looking forward to coming home. The latter is an uncommon way to describe just a rooming situation, but should be the case with people in a relationship.
Your point stands, of course, about words and particularly actions being powerful!
Doubt it. She's since met someone and they're really happy together. While I don't know about the inner workings of their relationship, I do know that both of them, individually tend not to sweat the small stuff.
We lived together for almost a year, and our first time meeting was that summer. Whenever one of us needed to discuss an issue, it was always in a lighthearted way. "You know you did this, but it would be nice if we could compromise on how [thing] is done." I don't think either of us ever dreaded going home. In contrast to other people I've lived with, I hope that if/when I marry it looks like that.
My point is that disagreements/conflict will happen, the important thing is to remember that words and actions are powerful, so for any friendship/relationship to last, its essential for both parties to be reasonable about such things.
I know, easier said than done. But there are such people out there as I learned.