> If you become more balanced (I've noticed a lot of nos and cants here), you'll probably spring back much better.

I know what you mean, but I can't just 'change' it like I do a channel. All my life I've been a loser. Got straight-Fs all through school and college because I can't learn right, now I've got my employer saying I'm just barely satisfactory with other programmers saying they're unhappy with me. It's objective stuff that I can't dismiss so easily.

Things I can change? I dunno. I lost a bunch of weight, I can now run a few miles, do pull ups. I've gotten better at talking to people. Maybe I should go into sales (laugh*.

> The answer may be a couple weeks of enjoying time with some friends or family.

I don't have any of those. I'm trying to fix it. I do want to take some time off, though i'll probably just work on my own stuff.

> Things I can change? I dunno. I lost a bunch of weight, I can now run a few miles, do pull ups. I've gotten better at talking to people. Maybe I should go into sales (laugh*.

Well, why not? The goal of life, if any, is probably more in line with being yourself and enjoying it while you can, not writing C++ code because that's what "real hackers" do, or whatever illusion you're using to punish yourself.

Seriously, losing a bunch of weight, running a few miles and doing pull ups are awesome things. Getting better at talking people is beyond awesome; it can be life-changing.

You got straight Fs because you're playing their game. You'll ace it when you start playing your game. And the best thing about life is that you get to define your game. That's the meta-bug you need to fix! :-)

It sounds like you're seeing some positive changes in your life outside of work. That's really good. I bet you had to put a fair bit of effort into that too.