Thanks for taking the time to spell this out for everyone. You've a real knack for putting things in a simple non-offensive manner.

I try to bring up the concept of privilege once in a while, but I find it really hard to get people to think about it. On one hand, it can come off as an attack on your sense of self. And I think it is a blow to certain aspects of your ego. But the intellectual gratification of understanding yourself and how things come to be should make it worth the reconceptualization, even if it didn't tend to make you appreciate your own life as well as the people you spend it with more.

I hate the word privilege (used in this way), but I'm having trouble articulating why. It's become a loaded term, indirectly associated with sexism, racism, and other isms (just look at a Google search - you'll see "male", "white", "straight", etc. - amusingly enough "American" never seems to make the list), so it can too easily come across as an accusation or attempt to guilt. I'm well aware of my privileges and very grateful for them, but it feels like it's not anyone else's business to point them out to me.

Here's a thought experiment - when you try to bring it up, replace the word "privilege" with "blessing" or "luck". Does the concept lose any of its meaning? How do people's reactions change?

There are two things: having privilege, and wielding it over people. If you are white and male and have a good job, you have privilege and there's nothing wrong with that. No one really has a right to check you for that.

If you then go on to tell all kinds of people that you got where you are by working hard and everyone else just has to work hard and they'll get there too, you're minimizing their challenges. They have to work harder to maintain a realistic, positive attitude with respect to the hurdles in front of them, which makes their life harder. Meanwhile, your life is not affected at all by the conversation, you go back to work and are productive. That's wielding your privilege, and that's a dick move, and people have every right to check you for that.

As for the difference between privilege and luck or blessings... Privilege is a kind of continuous luck.... one's maleness pays off throughout their entire life. Finding a dollar on the street is only instantaneous luck. And privilege only applies to things that are substantial advantages in the sort of common denominator pursuits of the median individual. Your maleness helps you earn more money which is something pretty much everyone needs to do. If you have small wrists and can easily clean out the inside of glass jars, that's not really privilege.

As for why you hate the word, perhaps you hate it because you think being sexist and racist means you're evil, therefore having privilege makes you evil. But everyone is sexist sometimes and everyone is racist sometimes. It's harmful, but it doesn't mean you're evil. It's just the way people work. That said, recognizing your racism and sexism and seeking out ways to be less so is an opportunity to be good.

As for people making you feel guilty... No one has a right to make you feel guilty. If they're trying to make you feel bad, they're just being an asshole. That said, they could be simultaneously being an asshole AND checking you on something where you're being an asshole at the same time. If so, I would just forgive them (to yourself) for trying to make you feel bad, and thank them (to their face) for helping you understand better the ways in which you're harming people. Learn something and don't let the petty stuff get in your way.

I think the reason it's worth going beyond "blessing" to "privilege" is that some things aren't really "luck" in the sense of some sort of randomly distributed boon. Some are part of self-sustaining systems.

As a straight white guy, I have a hard time saying "Gosh, I'm so lucky to be white." But it has absolutely been an advantage for me.

I don't know that I feel guilty for that, exactly. But I do feel an obligation to use my power responsibly. And if I fail to do that, then I hope I have friends kind and smart enough to call me on it. And that is when I'd feel guilty.

Not everyone with parents who care ends up with a favorable environment, either.