> I'm increasingly finding it harder to get any interest from employers, it seems like they all have better, younger, candidates
Ageism might be part of it, and there's not much you can do about it with those companies (assuming that's a factor). As someone north of 40, yeah, some aspects of this aren't all that fun, because it does seem like there's always someone younger and 'better'. My cynicism has grown greatly, though, and I realize that I'm generally going to have jobs cleaning up after most of these "younger better" folks once they move on to the next shiny thing. I'm not saying I want to be code cleaning forever, but, looking at the market, there will likely always be demand for that, and you can't be all that good at it without experience, which you've got (and will get more of).
re: friends - well, if you want a job, you do have to keep trying, but you may do better changing how you're working.
do not end your life. sounds a bit harsh when I say it like that, but... give it more time, and come up with some plans - multiple plans - to try to get past this. therapy and medication may be in your future, but it sounds like anything paid may be out of reach at this precise moment(?)
I've been in your shoes - many of us have. Mental health issues in the tech community are only just starting to be recognized and addressed. If you'd like to talk (phone/email/whatever), please contact me at https://kims.al. I can ... just listen if you want, or give some feedback, or perhaps help on some practical things (resume review, etc). Your call.
Ageism might be part of it, and there's not much you can do about it with those companies (assuming that's a factor). As someone north of 40, yeah, some aspects of this aren't all that fun, because it does seem like there's always someone younger and 'better'. My cynicism has grown greatly, though, and I realize that I'm generally going to have jobs cleaning up after most of these "younger better" folks once they move on to the next shiny thing. I'm not saying I want to be code cleaning forever, but, looking at the market, there will likely always be demand for that, and you can't be all that good at it without experience, which you've got (and will get more of).
re: friends - well, if you want a job, you do have to keep trying, but you may do better changing how you're working.
do not end your life. sounds a bit harsh when I say it like that, but... give it more time, and come up with some plans - multiple plans - to try to get past this. therapy and medication may be in your future, but it sounds like anything paid may be out of reach at this precise moment(?)
I've been in your shoes - many of us have. Mental health issues in the tech community are only just starting to be recognized and addressed. If you'd like to talk (phone/email/whatever), please contact me at https://kims.al. I can ... just listen if you want, or give some feedback, or perhaps help on some practical things (resume review, etc). Your call.