Advice from a commenter: Put away the headline.

Out lives are saturated with headlines. We see them in cars, subways, and airplanes. We access them with our phones, computers, and GPS devices. There are headlines of deep space and of the topography of the deepest ocean floors. Then there are the headlines of us — of our genomes, of the cognitive landscape of our brains, of the web of neural connections that allow us to see and think and act. Our faith in the headline as a true representation of the article, and a reliable metaphor for experience and the concepts of modern life, is exercised every day, largely without question.

And before doing exactly that, you could start by not taking everything (like the headline or my advice) literally and following it to absurdity.