> Without the pressure to speak amongst others, it became clear that I often said things out of anxiety
I can't go probably 100 words without saying something stupid or flat out contradictory. I'll think back to the conversation, realize I don't actually think or believe what I said, and wonder just what possessed me to say that and how many people I've alienated with words that I don't even believe or hold to be true!
Silence is one way to avoid making those mistakes, but that's me avoiding the problem, not actually solving it (and it would be nice to speak all the time in truth, with coherence, and consistent with what I believe), despite not having much to say in the first place, unless:
- to clear misunderstanding / requests ("Excuse me, but I think this is my seat.")
> I'll think back to the conversation, realize I don't actually think or believe what I said, and wonder just what possessed me to say that and how many people I've alienated with words that I don't even believe or hold to be true!
I too think back on past blunders or embarrassing moments, even from decades ago. What cured me of over-reflecting on this is to try to identify similar blunders from others. Surely over the years I can think of insensitive blunders of others and I can rarely do so.
So if I can't think anything anyone has ever blundered, apart from maybe a handful of instances, others likely can't recall my blunders. I've even brought up cringe moments to friend and they have no recollection.
In short, no one cares about what you say. Maybe at the moment they might cringe or immediately after, but your words have pretty much no impact on anyone.
Except my wife. She remembers everything offensive I have said.
> I'll think back to the conversation, realize I don't actually think or believe what I said
I can absolutely relate to this, it was a very common occurrence for me when I felt pressured to speak.
> Silence is one way to avoid making those mistakes, but that's me avoiding the problem, not actually solving it
It doesn’t have to be avoidance, it’s not a binary of either speaking a lot or not at all.
Silence (especially when the other person is comfortable with it too) gives the mind space to allow something that feels more honest and truthful to arise.
The problem is that most people feel a kind of anxiety when nothing is being said, and if you’re sensitive you might subconsciously pick up on this (in yourself or the other) and then feel the need to say something to end the awkwardness.
My meditation teacher had an interesting journalling technique: don‘t write a single line until you know that what you’re writing is absolutely true.
Henry Petroski in "To Engineer is Human" has a chapter about the advent of the calculator during the slide rule era, and that calculators (and later computers) eroded a structural engineer's "feel for the numbers", caused engineers to pursue work on the fringe of their abilities, and perhaps more seriously, limited their ability to verify the correctness of the computer's work (this was the era where, for the first time, a machine could perform orders of magnitude calculations more quickly than humans could). He outlines the collapse of the Hartford Civic Center [1] as a case study in when blindly trusting computer output goes wrong (and by sheer luck, no one was killed).
It feels like the example was cherry-picked, but the combination of "less accurate" and "more confident" made me immediately think of this disaster. I truly worry that it's going to take civilian deaths / liability before the proper use / place of these new technologies is adopted, but we could probably start with 1) not in safety critical systems, and 2) don't replace your specialists / experts with algorithms.
How about professions that require licensing to practice (civil engineering, accounting, insurance, actuarial science, law, medicine, pharmacy, nursing), or work in the government sector (defense, military, municipal/state/federal agencies)?
Agreed, building something is just the first step.
One of the marketing struggles I've had is just getting people to care. I did have a bit of an "If you build it, they will come" attitude because I had confidence in the quality of the work...but even that seems to be irrelevant if you can't get people interested.
As an introvert by nature (extrovert by necessity), I wonder what I'm missing that others seems to grasp innately, because the consequences are fatal for an entrepreneur if you can't convince others to at least try the thing you're offering.
I think it just boils down to that most of the time we are just plain wrong about what people want badly enough to change what they are doing already. Our other fallacy is that quality of work matters - like yes, kind of, but it matters far less than finding and fixing an "important" problem.
How many times have you encountered a piece of software that is utter garbage from a ui/ux/engg. perspective but gets used ALL THE TIME? plenty of b2b examples of this including back ends of banks. They are awful, but they work. The business solves a very real customer problem and the tech is just a supporting (although still critical) act. As long as the problem gets solved, the tech. does not really matter. There is obviously more nuance to this vis a vis software maintenance etc. but when starting up, the tech should matter to you less than finding a valid problem.
Just be careful if you believe the itch is the result of something you might be allergic to (e.g., food, or bug bites).
I had several bites from fire ants and ran them under hot water from the bath, which seemed to trigger (or accelerate) a full-body reaction (anaphylaxis?) and a harrowing trip to the emergency room!
Ouch. Don't use heat to combat the symptoms of the bite of any venomous animal or any other one that secrets stuff into your body (mites, mosquitoes, etc).
It's hard to tell people to do things that reduce their blood flow, because it comes with complex side effects; but definitively not do anything that increases your blood flow. (As in, if you are feeling sick, do not eat peppers either.)
Because virtually nobody is allergic to mosquito bites. Accelerating the blood flow/metabolism of someone maybe at risk for anaphylaxis (bee allergy) is extremely dangerous.
But when you have more than a few bites, you probably will not want to do that. Even more if you feel them a lot, and if you are not used to have lots of mosquito bites on you.
May I ask where / how you came about your copy? I've seen it mentioned several times but have found it difficult to locate.
(For example, the used copy on Amazon is selling for $2000!)
There are various scans online, eg [1]. Deeply ironic that the book goes for thousands of dollars today to collectors even as Klarman, in the text, warns that collectibles are a mug's game.
> I've seen it mentioned several times but have found it difficult to locate.
It's famously difficult to buy. The author is an investing billionaire so he has little financial motivation to release an updated version and many demands on his time preventing it.
For anyone thinking the not so nice version is how he really thinks, it seems instead its more of a first draft and the nice version is the one that he now agrees with.
Much better. I can appreciate how I dodged the bullet working in the film/TV business. I forget why I left, but now I remember again. Theatre is very similar btw.
Thanksfully engineering is soo much better, SW being the best to work in. As long as you can stay away from incompetent middle managers
Do you think it's better? It's twice as long and kind of seems like someone told ChatGPT to rewrite it with attitude but no new content (I know it's from 2016 and the nice version came second).
You're misusing that idiom - clearly the shorter "nice" version is the one that gets down to brass tacks (focuses on the essentials). It makes the same points in half the length.
I can't go probably 100 words without saying something stupid or flat out contradictory. I'll think back to the conversation, realize I don't actually think or believe what I said, and wonder just what possessed me to say that and how many people I've alienated with words that I don't even believe or hold to be true!
Silence is one way to avoid making those mistakes, but that's me avoiding the problem, not actually solving it (and it would be nice to speak all the time in truth, with coherence, and consistent with what I believe), despite not having much to say in the first place, unless:
- to clear misunderstanding / requests ("Excuse me, but I think this is my seat.")
- to prevent harm / danger ("Look out!")
- civics / politeness ("Excuse me", "Good morning", "I'm fine, thank you.")